October came, and with it, university coupled with all the stress and time consumption. I already underwent first year, so I don't make the same mistake as last time by actually having expectations. There should be no expectations, universities praised by society to be prestigious fuck you the most. But alas, what can we do, we hold on tight to all the frustrations professors spill out and all the absurdities. Assignments being changed last minute, discrepancies between the courses, seminars and the exams, and the overall bullshit attitude being passed from assistants to the "best" working students who will also become assistants, continuing the cycle, are all things I got so used with. This is what a good university grants you, the most bullshit experience, and you will be happy, just kidding, you won't.
University assignments are one of the most soul consuming things, because you're working on a very specific project, cutting away your creativity, and also fear provoking since plagiarism checks are a thing, and also fake positives. Every hour poured working can get quickly nullified if you are unlucky, while those who actually cheat get away. Despite being unfair, there is nothing we can do. Let's not forget the assignment changing last minute, checker not released even days before the deadline, and the platform almost always not working. Or the cherry on top, failing to pass the manual check because the guys responsible had a stroke while seeing the project's clean structure and not strictly corresponding with their bad one. That's life fellas.
Exams are also an interesting endeavour. Sometimes these are just formalities, other times despite how much work you put in, there will always be that one insuferable teacher who fails you just because. Students constantly comparing their grades to fulfill their egos, toxic vibes keep coming, cycle continues, so on.
In the beginning I made really good friends. We had and have good times together. Until university ruins things. Suddenly everyone becomes irritating with eachother. "have you made this assignment?" no, I understand you're also insecure you haven't, but you haven't found the person to vent to. "what is your grade", "wow, it's pretty small compared to mine", "aren't you gonna be fucked when choosing the extra course" (those are chosen in descending order by grades), "I am so bad at this" (you're not, shut up), "please help me here", "no, you're doing it wrong", "why don't you want to help me", "ha, what a loser not doing X". I simply don't like talking about university stuff, because most of the times it devolves to ego showoffs. Nobody except your parents bragging at work care about your performance. Rest of us want to just be supported without showcases, or just be left alone. And that's the thing, imposter syndrome is real, and underdogs have it. But remember, each of us, whatever achievements we got, have a completely different road to take, different aspirations, hobbies, personalities. But by the time you stuff 150 people in the same room with the same expectations and willing to screw their life, it goes downhill from here.
This has been my reflection these days. I will have to endure this 2 more years. It will be tough. But it will finish...